My life
by Ninaxoxo
Summary: Ginny Weasley has set herself a goal. A goal to be thin. She think's that no-one notices her- playing the deadly game of anorexia. Will she come to her senses and win or will anorexia succumb all? Warning: Anorexia/Cutting/Bulimia
1. Abomination

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything related to it except the plot

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She was weak. She was ugly. She was fat.

46.4kg! I thought, looking at the scales in disgust. I put on 0.2kg. I kept repeating it in my head. I never ending mantra. It must have been that glass of water; I thought. Imagine the calories. It might just seem like a measley amount, but I couldn't go over 300 calories a day. If I did I would exercise hours on end, slashing at my arms but that was a hard task, mounds upon mounds of fat was permanent carved on my body. Nobody noticed. Nobody would notice. I'm just that little Weasley girl. A nobody. People thought I had a crush on the boy wonder, but who would? He's the definition of obese.

Hate to say it; but he's fatter than me and I have to be the fattest girl in the school- alongside with Millicent Bulstronge. I'm depressed. I know I'm a cutter. I know I'm bulimic. I know I'm anorexic. Nobody notices me. I'm just the littlest Weasley. I stay in the shadows. Heck! Even my brother's haven't noticed that I'm shrinking away, into pit-blackness. Ron's to busy playing tonsil hockey with Granger and Harry's to obsessed with keeping in the lime-light. I look at myself in the mirror- hell. I get my trusted dagger, plunging it into my fat. The more blood you lose the thinner you get. Nobody cares that I'm dying.

They've forgotten about me. Instead dotting on Harry bloody Potter. He makes me feel like a strange in my own home. I've read anorexic stories: Girl is anorexic, boy finds out, he makes her stop being thin. They live happily ever after. Doesn't the girl ever think of the big demon called fat that's ruining her life? No. Happiness makes her forget. I hate happiness. It only happens in fairy tales. Which my life is not. I need to get thin, thinner, thinnest. Dead. My life's morbid. Always has been, always will be. Nothing can change that, if something or someone does I will un-doubtly kill her or him.

Hey! That's life. My life.

I should probably tell you about me:

My name's Ginevra Weasley.

I'm in the 5th year.

I'm anorexic.

Bulimic.

A cutter.

I have insomnia.

Call me an abomination if you want.

When can I die? But I have to die thin.

I need to die thin.

I will die thin.


	2. Fat

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything related to it except the plot. I don't own any quotations from Wintergirls either.

Tears fall freely now.

Why don't people notice I'm dying? I'm not that invisible surely? I went down to the hall I overheard someone from the corner. They were muttering about the fattest girls in Hogwarts. I was sixth.

I turned around; and ran. After I was in the bathroom I got my knife out and started hacking at my arms and legs. I know I'm anorexic. Then why do I see myself as fat? As the blood cascaded down my body I thought, why don't I just slice the fat away? Then, I will die. And I'll die thin.

I dismissed that thought; I need to lose it. Then I would have won fat. Instead of taking the easy way out. I accio'ed a scale. 46kg. That was okay I thought. But I need to get to 40kg. All my bones have to be showing. There couldn't be a single bit of fat on me.

I need to see every single bone in my body, the skin has to be pulled taunt. It has to be ready to break if I make I fist out of my hand. It took me ages to get this thin. I'm not sick. I just set myself a challenge and I'm going to complete it.

If the twins saw me they might notice, but there to busy with their joke shop. My mum will just try and fatten me up when she see's me in the summer-holidays. Fat chance I thought with a snort. But; that's if I'm alive by then. A cucumber I thought. It only has 10 calories in it. I'll eat one for breakfast, one for lunch and one for dinner. 30 calories a day. Heaven. Or in my case. Hell.

I laughed to myself. Here I am, covered in cuts and talking about cucumbers. My life is so messed up I thought. No-ones life could be weirder. But their life's all sunshine, flowers and butterfly's. A scowl etched upon my face. They don't understand. They eat calories upon calories. Not caring how fat there getting. A big bulging stomach. Log like arm's. Leg's the width of a Quidditch field. But I know. I thought boastfully. I know that I'm fat. And I'm going to make myself disappear or die.

Which ever one comes first. But I would prefer the latter. As to most people I am invisible.

Thin.

Thinner.

Thinnest.

Disappearing.

Dead.


	3. Ironic

Disclaimer: I don't own a Harry Potter or anything related to it.

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"Fattest girls in Hogwarts?" Dean Thomas asked Seamus, "Who's first?".

"Millicent Bulstronge is definitely first." They were making a list of the fattest girls in Hogwarts as they got on to six Seamus suddenly said: "The sixth fattest girl has _got_ to be little Ginny Weasley!" They started at each other, silent for a moment. They started laughing 'till they cried. Ginny Weasley would be first on the: 'Girl about to die from Anorexia/Bulimia list.

What's life? Though. Really. People cry when people die. But half the time they're wishing that they're actually dead, then taking it back - begging for apologies. I view life as one thing: hell. But I will not kill myself, or un-conventionally die 'till I am the thinnest person in the world. I mean it. People go on stupid diet's. 'Oh! I'll only eat 1000 calories today!' Then scoffs up 10 doughnut's? E.G: Lavender Brown. Ugh! Some girls have _no _self control

Today I ate half a cucumber. I'm not going to stop eating 'cause then I'll die. I've given up bulimia. I've got noting to retch up. But; cutting is my secret pleasure. Wouldn't really call it 'secret' since no-one seems to notice me. But- I don't do it in the great hall or something. Then a teacher might notice and take my most prized possession away; my knife. It cost me 300 gallons for it. But it's got intricate patterns on it. A weeping rose, graceful thorns twisting around it. Keeping in captive- but beautiful.

You might be thinking where I got the money from; Weasleys' don't have a reputation for being rich. When Harry gave Fred and George 1000 galleons they gave me some- 300 to be exact. Sometimes I like them. They're the ones that choose the knife. They don't know what it's for but they do have an idea. I think. But they'll leave me alone. They know I don't like this world and all they said was to tell them when I was going to kill myself. They don't really like this world either.

And want to 'die' with me. Ironic isn't it? Weasleys': Great, caring family on the outside. Dark, depressed family on the inside. I love that I'm invisible. Nobody notices me.

Disappear.

Disappearing.

Disappeared.


	4. Like a Phoenix

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything related to if except the plot.

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Draco and Blaise were worried. Ophelia, a girl that they would call 'literally a little sister' was wilting away. Hardly eating anything. Hardly ever going to the great hall opting to meet up with friends. But she never told a single person who her friends were. Draco and Blaise wanted to find out who they were. So, when she went wherever she went Draco and Blaise followed them.

Lyra, who was a Ravenclaw was walking down to moaning Mythrel's bathroom. No-one went there anymore: since Harry had told everyone what happened the year Ginny opened the chamber of secrets. She was going to meet Ginny and Ophelia. They has all became friends because of one obsession; Thinness.

Every week they would go to the derelict bathroom and do weighing spells on each other, or use scales. Then giving a target number, like 1kg to lose by the next week. If they didn't lose that weight they had to go to the great hall for one dinner time. None of then wanted this to happen. If they did two terrible things could happen: They would lose all control and eat a immense calorie thing or someone would question why they weren't eating and force them to eat. Or take them to the hospital wing and then they would get tube-fed.

As they were all weighing each other, and giving targets out Blaise and Draco were watching, horrified. "Imagine if you were so light you could fly without a broom, like a phoenix" Said Ophelia, a dreamy look on her face. "You would have to weigh about 3/4 of a kilogram" Lyra reminded Ophelia; her Ravenclaw side showing. To tell the truh Ginny, Ophelia and Lyra were normal people, they just wanted to reach a dream, suspended far in the sky. 'Normal' people would see them as freaks with an eating disorder. The prejudice of anorexia was massive.


	5. Really?

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything related to if except the plot.

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"So…" Said Draco. After they saw what the girls where doing they had went down into Draco's and Blaise's private room. Because their parents were so rich they got private rooms but connected them. "I never knew them two other girls where the same" Said Blaise in wonderment. "Wait- wasn't that one with red hair Weasles little sister? The the tag along?"

"I think so," replied Draco "Guess she had enough and finally snapped?"

"No, I think it was Tom Riddle. Didn't she used to be possessed by him? Father did say that the littlest weasel got Tom's diary."

Ginny was sitting in her dormitory, thinking of the days event. She did feel that someone had been watching them. Her, Lyra and Ophelia. She just hoped that it wasn't someone who would tell and her secret would be exposed to all the jeering, torments. And most of all; pity.

Pity, pity at the girl who cut herself. Pity at the girl who starved herself. And most of all- a girl who was happy dreaming her life. No one really understood. She didn't even have a single friend in Gryffindor. The only people she could trust with her secrets were Ophelia and Lyra. A Slytherin, Ravenclaw and Gryffindor. All united with one goal. Ironic. Wasn't it?

When she broke down crying her friends helped her get over what she was crying over. Lyra and Ophelia that is to say. Her own brother Ignored her. It hurt. And that damn Granger she thought with a scowl. Trying to barge into HER life and change everything. Everything to books and colour-coded timetable. Oh, how she loathed that girl. She really hated all the dream team. Poking there nose's into other peoples business. Trying to help but making everything a lot worse.

When Ophelia went to her common room later that evening Draco and Blaise abushed her. Taking her to there room. "Why?" Blaise said softly. "Why do you want to be thin? Your thin enough!"

Ophelia laughed. "Me? Thin? Don't kid yourself!" Draco raised an eyebrow.

"And you believe this, why?"

"Because…" Started Ophelia softly.


	6. Cold

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything related to it except the plot.

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Ginny stumbled up the steps of the great hall- she had just been for an hour jog around the Quidditch pitch- it was still very early in the morning so only a few people were awake. No one dared go outside because it was pounding down and you would get drenched in a few seconds after stepping out, but Ginny didn't really notice that. She had been wasting away for months, hardly eating or sleeping. Her school work had started a steady drop downhill- and people had started getting worried, but she thought that people didn't give a flying fuck about her.

By the time Ginny got back to her dormitory it was half six, and people had started slowly getting up- Ginny using the last drops of strength she had gave a weak sprint into the bathroom; so she had first dibs at the shower and the precious hot water. Even after the temperature of the water was scalding Ginny kept shivering, she hadn't been warm for quite a while.

By the time it was lunch Ginny was exhausted- they had been practicing the patronus charm in DADA and she had failed spectaculary, she was normally good at DADA but she couldn't remember a time that she was ever happy, and her first go of the spell sapped most of her strength away. She stood at the sink in Mythrel's toilet and slowly dragged the knife down her skin letting out a hiss of pain as blood started oozing slowly from the wound; like a tap after you turned it off and the last drops and fighting their way out of the faucet.


	7. Kissing death

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything related to it except the plot.

Thank you to Joleigh13 for beta-ing this chapter :)

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By the time Ophelia finished her story, both Draco and Blaise were shocked. They couldn't believe what she had been through, but their own pasts weren't any better. They both were abused by their father.

Draco walked down the stairs. Lunch had finished before and he had a free period, so he decided to go down to the kitchens. He was hoping of scoring some of the cake they had had at dinner the previous night.

I slowly walked up the stairs. I was too tired to go to charms and it felt like my body was collapsing. My vision started going blurry; black spots appearing in my eyes, growing bigger by the second. I stumbled, my foot slipping off the step, and fell down, down into the dark abyss. Then it all stopped- I felt a pair of eyes hovering over mine, my eyes slowly opening of their own accord. "Draco?" Shock went through my body. Why did he save me? Why didn't he just let me die?

I looked into her eyes mesmerized by those big brown orbs. They looked scared and the spark that should have been there was absent. I was helpless, I knew she was slipping away and by the time I got to the hospital wing it would be too late. "Thank you, thank you for catching me" Ginny rasped at me, taking short breaths that would surely be her last. I couldn't help myself, a tear slid down my face. Here was an angel dying in my arms, and what does she do? She thanks me. I pressed a light kiss on her forehead and gently closed her eyes.


End file.
